Help! My husbands Sgt is ruining us!?
I am not sure what to do. It all started when we first moved here there had been a problem with my daughter getting on tricare and she was having seizures and needed to get to a neurologist. His Sgt. told him we could go and get it fixed. It took all day with everyone giving us the runaround and we still didn’t get it fixed. At 16:30 his Sgt. called and said he should bring me and the baby with him to the motor pool so they could meet us and he could do final formation. When we got there they greeted me smiling and friendly and seemed like they really wanted to help as I explained all the trouble we had had that day. Then they walked over to do final formation and after the first 10 minutes it turned into a b**ch out my husband session. (I could hear everything) His Sgt. is so 2faced. His Sgt. was calling him a liar and me a liar saying that he just knew that we just sat around the house all day on our butts and didn’t even attempt to get her tricare straightened out. !!To me it was him calling me a liar and a NEGLEGENT parent!! He reamed my husband for three hours with me and the baby sitting in the car. We have been here at Fort Bragg for 5mo. and so far this Sgt. has written him up for counseling over 6 times now. He constantly writes him up saying that my husband is hurting the team by lying all the time about taking our daughter to a neurologist appt., taking me to an appointment, or his own appointments. When my husband tries to prove that we did have and go to the appointment the Sgt. then writes him up for "shoving an appointment slip in his face and displaying himself in a manner unbecoming of a soldier" which is an exaggeration. The latest one….they have some schooling this week and Monday night my husband got a call notifying him that he had a mandatory profile dentist appointment Tuesday morning at 07:00. He called his Sgt. and couldn’t get ahold of him, the next in the chain of command was in school so my husband avoided interrupting him and went to the next in the chain. He spoke to this Sgt.2 and I heard the conversation as the phone was on speaker. Sgt.2 told him to arrive to PT wearing ACU’s and attend the dentist appointment and they would get a message to school saying he would be there as soon as possible. At 22:30 his Sgt. called to b**ch my husband out for calling Sgt.2 and told him to show up in PT uniform instead. He then called back fifteen minutes later for more calling my husband a liar saying that he asked someone else who said that my husband really didn’t have a dentist appointment…was not a team player…was disrespecting him….and then told him he had five minutes to dress in PT uniform and meet Sgt at CQ and he would set his rank aside and they would fight !????! This is the second time I have heard this Sgt call my husband out to fight. Since when is this allowable? His Sgt said he wants to get my husbands rank removed and then get him removed from the military and ‘sent back where he came from’. Tuesday morning his Sgt wrote him up again and said he will be sending it to the Commander to get his file Flagged and bust him back to E1. In the counseling summary he stated that Sgt.2 said he never told my husband to arrive in ACU’s and he wrote him up for failing to use chain of command and disrespecting him the night before on the phone. My husband is in the process of filing his reenlistment and if he gets flagged he was told he would not be able to leave this base. I am a stay at home mom and if he looses his rank there is no way to pay our bills, buy groceries, diapers, formula, baby food, and put gas in the car with E1 pay. I have already gone up the chain of command a few steps and brought up my concerns with this Sgt and his targeting my husband and have only gotten very minimal and temporary results. His Sgt is having him watched or something. Another Sgt had asked him for a certain phone number my husband has at the house so when he came home for lunch he got the number. When he called CQ and asked for the Sgt CQ said that that Sgt wasn’t there. Not two minutes later his Sgt called him instantly jumping him for trying to call a different Sgt without even knowing why my husband was trying to call. I don’t know what to do. This Sgt is ruining our lives and not to mention the added stress is carrying over into our marriage and my husbands relationship with our daughter. Its too hard for him to come home, already maxed out on stress, to a nine month old who is constantly screaming and crying because she is teething. He has tried to use the chain of command to get something fixed and was reamed for doing so by a few of those over him and the problem was never touched. I don’t know what to do and im afraid if this keeps up we will end up divorced and my husbands military career will get trashed and cut short. He wants to stay in but this Sgt’s main goal is to break him and get him tossed with dishonorable.
P.S. A lot of people are saying I need to take care of appointments my self. We are a single car family. His Sgt has ordered him to taxi all the bachelors around at all hours.(If he politely refuses so I can use the car he gets in trouble again, we have tried) The appointments are in Raleigh so if yall would prefer I walk that distance I could attend the appts my self. And the would not sign her for tricare without him there because they claim a signed birth certificate and the fact that we are married is not proof enough that she qualifies for tricare. * I know that is not right and that is why we had so much trouble. Those people didn’t know what they were doing.*
18 Responses
Distance H
03 May 2010
D
03 May 2010
You have brought up a LOT of issues in this posting. You have stated a NCO has threatened your husband, called both of you liars, stated that he is malingering (not going to stated appointments). You have also stated he has said that he is trying to take your husbands rank. (did anyone else hear this, that is willing to put it in writing?). Additionally, you said you have tried going through his chain of command, but have not had anything but temporary relief.
Sad to say, but IF it is as you say, his NCO seems to be on a power trip or has a grudge against him for some reason. Your next steps should be as follows:
1. Document ALL your complaints/issues. Document all calls to/from your husband to this NCO and reason for calls – document what was said (don’t attempt to record conversations – this could be illegal). List the things you have done to address them, and the response you have gotten, and from whom (NCO’s, Commander, etc) – be specific with names & dates if possible.
2. Document all appointments obtained and attended for your husband, yourself and your child. Obtain copies from the hospital/clinics – they should be able to give you a print out (NOTE: You do NOT have to state WHAT the appointments are for regarding you or your child. If the NCO demands that, it is protected information (HIPPA)).
3. Obtain statements, if possible, from people who have heard the NCO call your husband a liar, and accused him of malingering.
4. DEFINITELY, obtain statements from anyone who heard the NCO state he is going to take your husbands rank and send him home.
5. DEFINITELY, obtain statements from anyone who heard the NCO state he wants to fight your husband.
6. Contact the Inspector General’s office on Ft Bragg, 643-7212, give them a COPY of the information.
7. Send a copy of the information to your husband’s Congressional Representatives (all of them) asking for assistance.
8. Notify the unit of the complaint (BTW – contacting your congressional representative is NOT jumping the chain of command!!)
9. Make sure your husband asks IG/Congressional representatives for a transfer (the NCO has a STATED agenda of getting your husband busted).
10. KEEP ALL ORIGINAL DOCUMENTS!!!
Group Captain Li
03 May 2010
Go to the highest ranking person on the unit, with proof.
John
03 May 2010
It sounds like this individual is out of control and your husband needs to document all this and see if he can line up a few witnesses and then take it to his commander. Even junior enlisted individuals are entitled to a certain level and quality of treatment. At the same time there is also a certain level and quality of authority and behavior that an NCO is expected to use in managing his subordinates. From what you describe here that NCO has overstepped that to a large degree and your husband needs to take it to his commander. If he does not get the situation righted internally by his commander then he should file a complaint with the Inspector Generals office (IG). Every unit is required to have an IG representative and it to be posted in his unit and there is an IG office at every base. They will step in and do an independent investigation and can recommend that the appropriate charges be filed and insure that this situation does not continue or that this NCO does not do this to someone else or continue to do it to him. At the same time sometimes with the stress of deployments and family problems or other types of problems an NCO can lose it and that might also be the case here. Irreguardless it is something that needs to be addressed and resolved for the good of everyone concerned.
Bill
03 May 2010
Take this to the Staff Judge Advocate office and the base Provost Marshal’s office if you can’t get any assistance from the Company Commander, or Battalion Commander. There are several other steps that you can take, Through the Pentagon up to and including the White House.
Lord Percy Woost
03 May 2010
your not in the army your not under military discipline go see the camp commander and complain about being callliar lier, he may bea able to do this to your husband but your not a soldier
also see the chaplin and head of medical
nosiestisest wheel get oilded first
you owe him nothing
he cant make more trouble than he is for your hubby
but have it wriiten down in point form with a copy for the person your talkindint
doafraidafriad it cant be any worse
paladin_5585
03 May 2010
Future ways to deal with this type of SGT. When he calls your home put him on speaker and record all their conversations. This way your husband has some proof of how he is being dogged. Also go to the Post Chaplin. Learn how to play the game. Tell your husband to keep a notebook in his pocket to write down each incident that he perceives is against him.
From my time in the military I found that dependent spouses who need their husbands to take them to every little thing rather than taking care of it on there own causes alot of flack on the military member.
Good luck with the situation.
Darwin
03 May 2010
Go up the chain of command. Now!
mustangsally76
03 May 2010
You say you’ve been there for 5 months. how much time has he had to take off to take care of you and the baby? YOU should be taking care of everything while he goes to work. He can’t be taking time off to run youto appts. That’s not fair to the other people in his unit that have to take up his slack. Sounds ike he has been taking an unfair amount of time off of work to take care of things that you should be able to handle. The Tricare hing with your daughter could’ve been taken care of by you. He doesn’t have to be there for everything. You are a military wife, you can do things on your own.
However, if this particular Sgt. is being a complete tool (sounds like he is), your husband needs to go see his Commander. He needs to take care of this..you can do nothing but get him in further trouble by butting in.
EDIT: Having only one car is not an excuse. We only had one car for a LONG time. If I needed the car, I took my husband to work. I would run my errands, pick him up for dinner (if he got dinner that night) and je would take the car back to work or if I still needed it I would take him back to work and then go back to pick him up when he got off work. he works 1500-0300! You can make it work, you just have to stop making excuses and make it work.
Your husband cannot be forced to "taxi" people around. Again HE needs to go through his chain of command and speak with his commander.
SFC M
03 May 2010
Problem 1 – Your husband shouldn’t need to go to every appointment with you.
Thousands of military wives make it without their husbands for 12-15 months at time during deployment.
Problem 2 – Your husband’s squad leader sounds really ineffective.
You and your husband need to figure out the proper solution to problem 1. You need to speak with the chaplain about problem 2.
igdubya
03 May 2010
If all of this is even a half truth, get a hold of the IG’s office and the post/fort chaplins office. The Inspecting General will appoint someone to investigate the validity of what is happening and the Chaplin’s office will provide a safety net/zone for you to seek help and assistance under. Also, if this does not get results, contact your Congressman or woman’s office from your home state and you will get some results. But I would use the Congress as last resort and definitely seek a transfer out of Bragg.
HardCore3
03 May 2010
Sounds like this NCO has too much time on his hands (he is probably single or went through a bad divorce himself). I
MMMmmm ! First, sounds like you’ve been doing the right thing …going up to the chain of command. If you have gotten up to the CO (don’t go to the Lt’s / platoon – they are usually too scare to confront even the 1srt SGT) and gotten no results, then try to go to JAG for advised. To see what your next step is.
Yes ! I agree with everyone … (Very Important) try to go to the appointments by yourself (with the baby). This way the Sgt, don’t keep tabs on how many times your husband is gone.
In the meantime, you may want to document everything. This will be your back up. Then your husband may want to ask for another duty-station when re-enlisment time comes.
Lastly, but no least. If all else fails, contact your congressman or woman. If your parents are able to help, ask them to. This usually helps.
Good luck.
Oh! yeah ! the chaplains can help also.
By the way …sounds like you’re in a new duty station …to prevent this from happening again …try to always go to appointments on your own (with baby). But if this happens again somewhere else, document everything.
USMC WIFE
03 May 2010
Some how I feel like you are leaving a few things out.
First of all, there is NO reason your husband should go to all these appointments with you. Getting your daughter enrolled in Tricare is easy, and definitely should not take all day.
Secondly, considering this was a new chain of command he should have been bending over backward to make a good impression and be at work on time every day. Taking a lot of days off work in the first six months will p*ss a chain of command off.
What rank is your husband and how long has he been in? It sounds to me like he’s lower enlisted. I’m sorry to say this but if he has been written up for performance a number of times they do have the right to take rank.
At this point all you can do is deal with it. Jumping chain of command or anything like that will only make things worse for your husband.
Edit: If you are a one car family then DROP HIM OFF AT WORK AND PICK HIM UP. It’s really not that difficult. A lot of military wives go through stuff like this everyday.
7 of 9
03 May 2010
I see were the SGT might be coming from, but I am looking at it from your veiw point if you don;t have a car, (your husband is the only one with the car) then you will have to drive your husband to work at PT time and go to APPT’s alone, and pick him up from work and just suck it up as they say in the Army, so your husband won;t get in trouble so much.
EO and IG, look if you can record those phone calls abotu fighting and THERE IS NO FIGHTING ALOUD IN THE MILITARY, then you can get him in trouble, Talk to a chaplin whatever it is you have to do, talk to the 1SGT, look I had a 1SGT who was doing this to me, because of my neighbor who aid he was from Turkey and he didn;t tell me he was an ex-NCO at Bragg and he had him and his son telling me what to do, I got tired of it so I sent him and annonomous letter telling him to leav eme alone and my neighbor sent it to my BTL CO not my CO my BTL CO and told my CO to take care of it, well I got a psych eval, I ha dot go see theripist every week, talk to the chaplin, I wasn;t aloud on the range or able to drive and vehical (they thought I would drive it off post and try to kill my neighbor with it) and my PLT SGT was suppos e ot eyeball me at all times. My 1SGT even claimed he could get prints off the letter thru CID. Anyway, there are things he can do then just let a personality conflict with this guy allow him to throw his military career away. See of his 1SGT cna put him in another section with another SGT.
~*April*~
03 May 2010
My husband has been in the army 5 years. We had a couple issues that came up due to medical appointments. Because I was a high risk pregnancy my husband had to take off work to be with me and to drive me home from appts. (that’s what started it) But then our son was born, and he had a medical condition. It was so bad that we were given a referral to a doctor 50 miles away. The doctor said our son needed surgery and he scheduled our son for the next day. When my husband called to let his Sgt know about the surgery he told him that he was on weekend duty and couldn’t leave the barracks. I was so mad, I called another wife who’s husband works with mine. We were able to get about 4 guys to take shifts during his detail so he could be there for the surgery. We felt so blessed to have such great friends. Point is you need to get to know the other girls in your husbands platoon. They can help!!! People who know you are more likely to believe you when your husband has an issue. I’m a stay at home mom as well, and I love to get out and be with people. Have a Bar B Q at your home, and invite the SGT that’s doing this. Show him that you guys are good people and want to find some common ground to be able to work this out. Your husband might not be telling you the whole story about everything that goes on at work. I’m not saying he is lying to you, but he could be omitting some important details. The other thing your husband could do is wait for another slot to open up in another unit and volunteer for it. Its hard, and every where you go you’ll find some nasty Sgt who is on a power trip. But you as a wife can help, get to know people! get people on your side, don’t do it alone!
ohmy
03 May 2010
I completely agree with USMC wife, you have yo remember as long as your husband is in the military then he is government property until he is out, remember if the military wanted them to a a spouse then they would have issued on to then when they were issued there gun
(I am also a USMC wife) and believe me I had to do a lot of the stuff on my own because he couldn’t tke the time off to to go to DR appointments and seal with the insurance, you need to learn how to be independent and take care of things your self, sorry to be so brass about it but that’s is how thing are
mrsjvb
03 May 2010
your HUSBAND( not you do not get involved in any way shape or form)needs to take this up his chain..as in request a meeting with the Sgts immediate supervisor and the XO/CO.
if that fails he needs to go to the IG with PROOF as in written documented PROOF of what his claims are.
bb_stacker_ao
03 May 2010
I’m at Bragg. It takes minutes to enroll in tricare. About an hour if there are lots of people also waiting there at Womack. He could have rescheduled his dental appointment. Lot’s of Joes have thing’s to say about their NCO’s once crap starts rolling downhill. My kids get taken around by my wife. Maybe he should get a ride to work with a friend in the unit that lives near by. He gets crap talked about him for not giving rides to everybody. He can’t be charged for that. It honestly sounds like maybe he isn’t the greatest soldier at work when your not around. Because all of us NCO’s aren’t new to this. If a fellow NCO was just straight up targeting a joe with this treatment he would have been squared away by now. Then there’s the other kind of joe who always has appointments and reasons why he can’t work. Work is the priority.
I’m not in the military but, I believe he should talk it over with his platoon commander. The SGT is breaking military code, lying when writing your husband up and threatening him. Tell your husband to contact SGT number 2, and if worse comes to worse, JAG. Make sure SGT 2 can be a witness.
Good luck.