I think I am losing my mind should I check myself into somewhere?
I will try and get straight to the point. My husband came home from war this summer, we tried to have child, I knew something had changed him but hoped after some time adjusting to being home things would even him out. The military flagged him during outprocessing for possibly suffering from PTSD. He refused to admit anything and was able to BS his way out of the counselor’s office. We did become pregnant I was so happy but when I told him he didn’t act or show he was happy. Instead the next day he left me alone in a state where I had no family, so I moved back to my home state. We continued to talk, he said we where gonna move so told landlady and was in process of moving some boxes and stuff. When I came home he told me it wasn’t gonna work after weeks of telling me over phone what he had been moving and making it seem we where gonna get back together. That night I had bad cramps and when went to obgyn next day found out baby’s heart had stopped. After the surgery and I got out of hospital. He said all sorts of hurtful things like he wondered if the child was even his, which I was the most faithful wife becuase I loved him so deeply, how our marriage was a mistake and so where the 8 years we spent together. He would call me randomly and cuss me for something or tell me he’s already planning on dating other people 2 weeks after the miscarriage.When I went to pick up the rest of my stuff once was physically able he even showed me pictures of one of his friend’s new born baby this was about a week after hospital. The man that came home from war was not the man I knew. i haven’t slept a full night in over 3 months even with sleep aids they only work for about 4 hours. I wake up sometimes and dont know where I am or worse I forget that I am no longer pregnant. I feel as if my soul has died. I am on Zolft 200 mg a day, Ativan, ambien and restroil and I am still crying my eye’s off at random days or times. Nothing seems to help, I feel crushed completely. How long will I feel this way? I have talked to professionals but nothing is helping. I still hold onto the baby clothes and stuff I bought. I can’t throw out the old ultrasound pictures. I know it’s sad but I just can’t get rid of it. Does it get any better or should I just lock myself up? I dont know how to get over this hurt and pain I feel inside. Is there anyone who has been thru this or can offer any suggestions as to what i should do.
6 Responses
white.mike33
16 May 2010
:) just happy.
16 May 2010
Oh honey im so sorry you lost your baby. Let just first start by saying that you need to contact your husbands first shirts and explain to him that your husband has not been himself since he got back. Seciond of all if you personaly feel like you need to be checked in some where then go, if you think that would be the best thing for you then go. Im so sorry for your loss. im a military wife also and have seen ptsd and what it does to a marrage. good luck and im soo sorry
serenity8
16 May 2010
Don’t isolate yourself. Stay close to family and good friends and let them know what you’re going through. Just having people around to talk to helps a lot. I hope you feel better soon.
baby #1 due aug
16 May 2010
I know it is hard. Call the USO and see if you can get ahold of a family support group so you can talk to other familys and military spouses that are going through the hardship of our loved ones comeing home with PTSD.
The best thing for you is to be back home with your family that will give you the love and support with this hard time
I will pray for you and your husband, but he really needs to get help.
If he is still in you should think about talking to his commander.
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, but look or try to look at this way, IT is God saying I want your baby to be a guardian angel to look out for you.
it will get better, just talk about it write it down, scream at the top of your lungs get it all out of your system. and remember you are strong and a survivor
Good luck and if you want email me bj_s1978@yahoo.com
anya
16 May 2010
Im so sorry about you are going through, i had two miscarraiges and i cried myself to sleep for a few nights but the pain passes if you pray to God and ask him to heal your soul….he’ll put everything on track for he see’s your suffering…and he wants to help but you have to want it too…..i had a really hard time in the beginging of my marraige and we almost had a divorce but when My husband came to God and I followed everything got so much better it was like nothing ever happened before…..im so happy that we’re christian now….it changes how you look at everything….you have hope and faith! My husband hit me and cussed me oout plenty of times and i cried for days didnt sleep for nights i even moved out when i was 5 months pregnant!!!!!!it was really hard….he even came home from bars at 6 o clock in the morning and people told me he was with a girl……that HURT me so much….and im suprised myself that im still with him….but he asked me for forgiveness and God healed my pain! I hope you get through this!
BrewerB
16 May 2010
I think you should check yourself into a place for a little while. If your still on his tricare they will pay for it and you could use some help. Sometimes the out patient stuff just isn’t enough. When we came back from over seas one of my friends got checked in and when he got out he worked through a lot of stuff and was not dependent on drugs, "anti depresants" There is no shame in going.
I had to go to some out patient stuff when I got back from over there and what you discribed sounds so much worse than anything I have ever been through.
I feel so bad for you and will keep you in my prayers.
Time heals wounds of the heart, Time is the cure.
Good luck and hang in there.